


Internalisation and More Video Games

by Diary



Category: X-Men Evolution
Genre: Angst, Atheist Character, Atheist Toad (X-Men), Awkward Conversations, Bechdel Test Fail, Bottle Episode Fic, Catholic Character, Catholic Kurt Wagner, Gay Kurt Wagner, Gay Male Character, Gen, Inspired by Music, Male Friendship, POV Male Character, POV Nonhuman, POV Toad (X-Men), Religious Conflict, Religious Discussion, Sexuality Crisis
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-26
Updated: 2016-07-26
Packaged: 2018-07-26 20:43:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,357
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7589395
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Diary/pseuds/Diary
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Catholic Kurt and atheistic Toad have more discussions about religion and homosexuality. Complete.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Internalisation and More Video Games

**Author's Note:**

> I do not own X-Men Evolution.

Plain and simple, Toad only has so much patience for Nightcrawler’s issues, and when it gets to the point Nightcrawler is deliberately avoiding him, he knows it’d be best to just cut his losses. Most importantly, he can still probably steal half of Nightcrawler’s sandwiches and maybe all of it on sausage-and-apple day, and he can find other people to play video games and walk around town with.

Somehow, though, he finds himself hopping into the fuzzball’s room.

“Oh, sweet Mother of Mary, don’t scare me like that!” followed by a stream of rapid German is the response he gets when he cautiously pokes the sheet-covered Nightcrawler.

“Doing something unfamily friendly under there, were ya, blue?”

In response, a book hits his face.

“I haven’t gotten a proper night’s sleep in three days,” Nightcrawler mutters. “I was trying to get a Saturday nap.”

“Been any catastrophes we ain’t heard about?”

Sitting up, Nightcrawler shakes his head. “Just thinking.”

“Wanna talk about it?”

“No,” is the somewhat grumpy response. Then, Nightcrawler sighs. “Sorry.”

He shrugs.

“It’s just, I already have an idea what you’ll say. You- don’t have a problem with me. Or at least not with- God is very important to me, and I know the arguments, but in the end, I just feel _wrong_.”

“Yeah, cain’t help ya there,” he acknowledges. “’cept maybe by kicking your butt at video games. Wanna play?”

Laughing slightly, Nightcrawler shakes his head. “What- what would you do if you were gay?”

“Pro’lly be dead.”

At Nightcrawler’s look, he says, “Fuzzy, the closest I’ll come to believing in miracles is pointing out that it probably is one that I managed for so many years wit’out being outed as mutant. I cain’t keep secrets worth anything, and like you and everyone else has said, I ain’t one for shame. So, yeah, I woulda probably ended up dead. Don’t have much in the way of powers, right?”

Nightcrawler considers this. “Assuming you didn’t, then.”

“Then, I wouldn’t be. Probably still be single, yo. I am who I am, blue.”

For some reason, this causes a wince, and bringing his legs up to his chest and wrapping his arms around them, Nightcrawler says, “I was supposed to be a hero.”

Bewildered, Toad points out, “You’ve literally saved the world, yo."

“I helped. And so did you.”

Rolling his eyes and taking a breath, Toad hops onto the bed and squats in front of Nightcrawler. “I was out for my own survival, dawg. You genuinely cared ‘bout all those people. So, you wanna think there’s some’ing wrong with you for being gay, go ahead. You wanna think your god is gonna punish you? I can’t stop or change that. But the minute you start sayin’ you ain’t a hero, that risking your life for other mutants, for me, for humans you didn’t owe jack to isn’t important or don’t matter ‘cause you’re gay, then, you and I are going to war, fuzzball.”

Kurt Wagner looks at him in shock, and all Toad can do to keep the panic down is keep staring.

“Why?”

He shrugs.

“What if I just do good things, risk myself, because- I don’t know. I don’t feel like a hero. I don’t feel like a good person.”

Hopping over to the window, Toad is just about to leave when he finds himself sighing and going back over. “Alright, blue, here’s the thing: There’s all these stories about slaves who always knew that wat was happenin’ wasn’t right. They knew it wasn’t right for people to own people like that, that they had a right to be free, no matter what the law said. They believed it.”

“But I saw a movie once ‘bout this freed slave that- I don’t think they wanted to be a slave, again, but the idea that they were bad, that their being free was wrong, that they weren’t the same as whites, all that, it stuck. There are women who still say that men are better. Now, maybe, if there’s a god like you think out there, maybe, being gay is wrong, ‘ccording to him. But it could be, almost everyone used to say that it was, and that wasn’t too long ago. Can ya be completely sure that it’s not that that’s your problem, not God telling ya through feelings? ‘Cause, fuzzy, I know there are parts of The Bible you’d die than follow.”

“I don’t know,” Nightcrawler miserably answers.

“Freddy likes listening to Christian music. I heard this song, ‘God put a million billion doors on this world for his love to walk through, and one of those doors is you,’ and, ‘with every act of love, you bring the kingdom come.’ You asked me once ‘bout how I could be so cynical, remember?”

“Ja. You pointed out you weren’t afraid to live fully.”

“And that’s true, but- look, you repeat this to anyone, and I deny it, got that?”

Giving him a puzzled look, Nightcrawler nods.

“I owe your mama a lot, and I owe the Brotherhood a lot. Most of you X-Geeks really ain’t that bad. But you and Tabby are the closest things I’ve had to real friends in a long time, and the thing is, I know you and me might really hav’fta fight someday. Maybe me and her, too, if she decides to try being a hero ‘stead of looking out for herself.”

“Tabs is great, but you. Face it, you let me steal your sandwiches, Nightcrawler. Ya could have easily stopped it. You help the younger X-Geeks, you do almost anything for your friends, like I said, yo, you risk your life for people you don’t know, people who you know do hate you. You can say you do it ‘cause of God, but I think we both know, if you thought for sure you had no chance of heaven, you’d still do all this.”

“Even putting aside how horrible I think your god would be if he were real, the main reason I don’t believe is because there’s just so many things that make zero sense, yo. Even as a mutant who’s faced other, really powerful, scary mutants, dawg, there are things that just ain’t logical. But uh, ask me what’s the one thing that might have any chance at all of making me believe.”

“Alright,” Nigtcrawler slowly says. “If there’s anything at all that could possibly make you believe, what is it?”

“Not what, fuzzy. Who,” he quietly answers. “People like you. The world’s rotten, but people like you, they don’t make me believe in God or even wanna, but they’re a big part of the reason I’m not more cynical. If someone did decide to make a world where people suffered and died for stupid reasons but they also put people like you on it, well, there might be hope for them not being completely evil.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah, oh." He glances over. “If it helps, I don’t care that you’re gay. I don’t think, um, well, actually, I think there’s a lot majorly wrong with you, blue, but that isn’t part of it.”

There’s a snort.

Then, “I beat you last time we played video games.”

“Yeah, after you spilt soda on the controller, fuzzaroni.”

“Fuzza- Never mind. I wouldn’t have spilt it if you hadn’t jostled me!”

“So, you admit you did it on purpose.”

“That isn’t what I said at all!”

“Was too, dawg.”

“Stupid, smelly toad, I can beat you with a blindfold on.”

“How much ya willing to lose on that bet, fuzzy?”

“Er- to defend my honour, if you can beat me three times, without cheating, I’ll buy us pizza. No blindfold.”

“Good with me,” he agrees.

“Really?”

“When I win, if you can prove I cheated, I’ll buy the pizza.”

“That isn’t-”

“Hey, sorry, fuzz, but in my book, it’s only cheating if ya get caught.”

“What a very moral outlook,” Nightcrawler sarcastically mutters.

Toad almost retorts but thinks better of it. “Ready to go?”

“I’m not poofing us there.”

“Fine, then, I’ll race you,” and he hops off before Nightcrawler can move.    

Hearing Fuzzy’s faint yells, he grins.

**Author's Note:**

> Author's Notes: The lyrics from Jason Gray's 'With Every Act of Love' are slightly wrong in this fic. It's actually, "God put a million million doors in the world for his love to walk through, one of those doors is you," and, "with every act of love, we bring the kingdom come."
> 
> The Watsonian explanation is: Toad misheard them. The Doylist explanation is: I misheard them, and the misheard version has been stuck in my head.


End file.
